You really coming over, don't trick.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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