Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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