Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
