You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
