I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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