walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
