Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize