WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
