my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
we're so committed to being not committed
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
