I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
