he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
