Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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