Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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