I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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