Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
