I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
