you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Did we literally take a cab across the street
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
