I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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