Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
