the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
