No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
