oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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