I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
