someone threw a dead crab at me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I would fuck him just for his dog
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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