There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
