You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Someone shattered a urinal.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
