I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize