Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
