i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
