the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
