i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
