I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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