try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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