very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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