What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
