You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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