Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
