We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
