you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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