So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You pole danced in your parka.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
