im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
