Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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