I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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