I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
