it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
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