Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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