i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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