Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
