Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
