: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
