Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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