SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
