i jhust puked up my retainher.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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