For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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