Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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