I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
