The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
