She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
