I love black thongs
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
