Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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