Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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