Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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