you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
a search helicopter?!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
