YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
