glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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