I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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