Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
