I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i believe in u and ur pee
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
