I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
