So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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