If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
