I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
you made out with another girl for some wings
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
