id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize