Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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