I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
