Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
