i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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