You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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