I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
